Confidence Man

“Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson is confident the Democratic Party will offer a quality candidate for the 2008 Senate race.”

(KOTA Televsion, Scottsbluff, Gering, 11/8/07.)

Really Ben?
“Confident”?
“Quality“?

Well, since the rest of us don’t seem to have your inside information (hey, Tony Raimondo is still waiting to be “approached”), and no one else seems to be working at it very hard, we here at Leavenworth Street thought we’d toss out some suggestions.

Since you Dems seem to really like the “used to live in Nebraska, yet still want to live somewhere else” types, here’s who we think could make a good Dem Senate candidate:

1) Marlon Brando

Pros:

Born in Omaha; exudes power, in that patriarch of a powerful family way;
Cons: “Last Tango in Paris”; deceased.

2) Nick Nolte

Pros: Attended Westside High in Omaha; “Rich Man, Poor Man” shows he understands both sides of the tracks; brooding, gravelly voice.
Cons: Uh, this…

Pros: Ivy League grad (Yale, just like Scott Kleeb!); was the “voice of Nebraska” in those UNL ads during Husker games; fits in well at elitist cocktail parties.
Cons: Kind of wussy; signature song is called, “Glitter and be Gay” (not that there’s anything wrong with that…)

4) Chris Klein

Pros: Millard West grad; already has campaign experience from movie, “Election”;
Cons: Technically, not old enough; Went a little cuckoo after ex-Katie Holmes married Tom Cruise.

5) Larry the Cable Guy (a/k/a Daniel Lawrence Whitney)

Pros: Man of the people; Has skybox at Husker games for fundraising; Has built in slogan “Git ‘er done…in the Senate!”
Cons: Probably a Republican; smelly.

So there you go Dems! Pick one of these four gents, or please leave a suggestion of someone yourself! (No Green Party members, please.) Your suggestion has gotta be better than, well, nobody.

***
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8 comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Johnny Carson:

    Pros: America’s favorite late night talk show host. Norfolk native. Large donor to UNL.

    Cons: Married and divorced several times. Also, dead.

    Henry Fonda:

    Pros: The everyman’s actor. Born in Grand Island and held true to his midwestern roots. Has his house enshrined at the Stuhr Musuem in Grand Island and may bring in Third District votes.

    Cons: Daughter is commie and he, like Johnny Carson, is dead.

    Warren Buffett:

    Pros: Very, very, very, very…very rich. Supporter of many Democratic causes. Buddy of Bill Gates and still lives in the old part of Omaha.

    Cons: Wouldn’t take the pay (and power)cut. But, on the bright side, he is alive.

  2. Bruning Fan says:

    More to think about…

    GOPers who fall into the “used to” and “dont want to” live in NE:

    Louisiana Native Jeff Fortenberry
    Iowa native, former Democrat and former DC resident Mike Johanns
    Vietnam native (easier than listing the 11 towns he has identified as his hometwon in NE) and one-time VA Gov candidate and Permanent Resident of Virginia Chuck Hagel
    Former DC resident Hal Daub
    Did John Christensen ever come home?

    See,its not just the Democrats

  3. Street Sweeper says:

    Bruning fan,
    If you’re going to put Johanns on that list (though I’m fairly sure you have to live in the DC metro if you’re a cabinet member), then you better put your guy, who also wants to move to DC and is a former Dem, on your list…

  4. nofrills says:

    This must be the kind of “fan” idiots put thier fingers into.

    Reminds me of a Nebraska candidate who complained about his opponant “living outside Nebraska” while in the Army.

  5. Ness says:

    The only chance the “Democratics” have to take that Senate seat, is if the bill for banning of human cloning and embryonic stem cell research does not make it through the Judiciary Committee of the Unicameral. In that instance, the Democratics could put in an order to the University of Nebraska Medical Center and have Senator Ben Nelson cloned. While the medical community has not still reached a consensus on whether that clone would have a soul – that actually may end up being an advantage in the US Senate.

    I hope most people see through the smoke screen that comes from all directions regarding “the birth right” and the “Good Olden Times’. In public service it should matter only marginally who was born where – most kids have no choice in what mama and papa decided. It should not also matter who used to say this and that in their College newspaper when they were 19 years. I bet they were most likely trying to impress the hot chicas and get some action by having their name published in the Daily Nebraskan instead of using the old-fashioned way of picking chics up on the Internet – because the AG of their state disseminates powerful public messages against that.

    It should, however, matter who the real candidate representing true Nebraska values is. Because only a person born in Nebraska has them, right? I hope people consider that these true and unique Nebraska values, such as hard work, kindness, caring – might actually be exhibited by individuals who were not born in God’s country. In fact, the other day I heard that some Iowa people were hardworking, kind, and caring. While I have not done the research and only corroborated two sources of information, I think maybe a few more states may qualify for that – expect Arkansas and New York maybe…. At any rate, in the last few election cycles I have observed, almost all candidates on all sides invoke the Nebraska values, as they should – even if they are running for the office of a dogcatcher.

    In summary, unless the Democratics clone Ben Nelson – this seat will be a Republican. There are only a few questions remaining for that race. Can Jon Bruning convince the people of God’s country that he is not just a political opportunist who thrives on unrestricted ambition (and that is why the Republican establishment has lined up against him) but he is truly is a committed public servant, with true Nebraska values, who would do a good job as a US Senator?

    (If the AG could do this, he might have a small chance…)

    Another question is, can Tim Criss convince Pat Flynn to finally come up with that commercial riding the Harley with spring storms in the background?

  6. Anonymous says:

    seems to me Jeff Fortenberry chose to live in Nebraska and moved here.

    you would think Matt Connealy would tell his NDP bloggers that ole’ talking point didn’t work. nice try, libs.

  7. Klev Landsteamer says:

    Uh…not to be picky, but Klein graduated from Millard West. I’m sure there are some Millard North graduates who have been offended by your mistake.

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