What’d you call me!

See-no-evil-hear-no-evil-speak-no-evil-monkeys-14750406-1600-1200The lesson here, peoples, is to NEVER use analogies.

Oh, wait, what are we talking about?

Well, let’s back up.

State Senator Bill Kintner, a conservative, plain spoken, funny and nice guy, wrote an Op-Ed for the Fremont Tribune. You can read it here.

The point of the editorial? Just because we have been doing things a certain way, for a long time, doesn’t mean we have to continue doing them that way.

He was speaking to the way the Legislature does business — particularly regarding making things “less-conservative.”

We all on board so far? OK, good.

But Kintner STARTED his argument, by telling the story of the cage of monkeys that does things a certain way, because that’s the way they’ve always done them.

Now, if you’re like me, you skipped that entire part of the editorial, because you’ve HEARD IT BEOFRE.

Here is where I heard it one of the first times in long form.

This is from “The Contender” starring Jeff Bridges as the President of the United States, and Joan Allen as his Vice Presidential nominee. The gist was that the press and others were going after Joan Allen because that’s the way they’d always done it.

Here you go:

(By the way, note that the great Sam Elliot doesn’t move a muscle through the whole speech.)


Members of the Press and Easily Insulted Members of the Legislature
It’s a story!
It’s a way to make a point!

No, Senator Kintner does not think that Senators are monkeys.
He also doesn’t think that they eat bananas or get hosed down or live in a cage or whatever else was entailed in the story.

However, I’m beginning to think that YOU are incapable of grasping that.

If you don’t like what Kintner was saying, your appropriate response is, “We do things this way because of X,Y and Z and they are well thought out each year” or somesuch.

An inappropriate response is, “Who are you calling a monkey?” or “Well if you don’t like it, get the hell out!” or “I haven’t eaten a banana in MONTHS!”

Eight year olds make those kind of responses.
Eight year olds wearing little propeller hats with grape jelly smeared across their faces.
Eight year olds who haven’t even BEEN to law school.

Thus endeth the analogy.

(“I didn’t even HAVE grape jelly at lunch! I had STRAWBERRY!“)


Please let me add in this dimwitted headline from Martha Stoddard at the OWH:
“…Kintner column comparing senators to monkeys…”

It ain’t an R after his name…

Brad Ashford votes with Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats 70% of the time


And yet we are to applaud him because he votes with Republicans sometimes? “Oh, he votes with Republicans more than most Democrats!”

Gee. Almost as if he’s from a Republican district!

Who’d a thunk it!

You know who ELSE usually votes with Republicans on issues that Republicans what them to?

A Republican.

Shocking, I know.


On a high note

A great message from Carly Fiorina as she ended her campaign for President:

To young girls and women across the country, I say: do not let others define you. Do not listen to anyone who says you have to vote a certain way or for a certain candidate because you’re a woman. That is not feminism. Feminism doesn’t shut down conversations or threaten women. It is not about ideology. It is not a weapon to wield against your political opponent. A feminist is a woman who lives the life she chooses and uses all her God-given gifts. And always remember that a leader is not born, but made. Choose leadership.


As in NOW

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  1. Sparkles says:

    The part I liked most about Kintner’s editorial in the Fremont Tribune, are the Comments.
    There are 3 total.
    One points out that Kintner plagiarized, from a Facebook post (link provided), word for word, almost his entire ‘editorial’.
    A second comment points to the fact (link provided) that, according to a Professor of comparative human development, evolutionary biology, and neurobiology at the University of Chicago, the whole story Kintner relays is total B.S.
    Apparently, even monkeys have a more sophisticated understanding of their environment than Mr. Kintner.

    Disclaimer: This is meant as no disrespect to monkeys.

    • Sparkles,
      I’m lumping you in with the press and the “insulted” senators.

      Yes, it’s an old story, told a million times.
      He could have told the “Boy who cries wolf” and some goof would probably noted that he “stole” it from his kid’s library.

      Oh, and this isn’t a scientific study from Johns Hopkins???
      How’s about that! Well then!

      In other, much simpler words, you too have missed the freaking point.
      But thanks for reading.

      • Sparkles says:

        The story is superficially appealing, intellectual garbage.
        A garbage analogy that people like Kintner and his kind imagine can be used to excuse their anti-government, maladroit ideology. An excuse for promoting narrowly focused special-interest crafted policies, while at the same time opposing common sense solutions that would actually benefit the majority among their respective constituencies.

        I got it, let’s use the Infinite Monkey Theorem to justify supply side economics!
        Ya see, if we just commit infinite taxpayer largess to the benefit of the 0.001%, given enough time a perfectly balanced and harmonious society is certain to evolve!
        ALL will eventually prosper!!

        And, your welcome.

      • So, if he’d said, “I’d like the people of this state to see into the eyes of God…”
        And then gave a succinct explanation for ocular research, clearly your response would be,
        “Uh, SCIENCE has proved there is no FACTUAL existence of God, and even if there were, do you REALLY think we could SEE into his (or HER) all-knowing eyes — assuming HE (or SHE) even HAS eyes????”

        Just lead off and say you’d like to bitch about Kintner and save yourself the keyboard calisthenics.

      • Sparkles says:

        Both the LJS and OWH report;
        Speaker Hadley’s chamber chastisement of Kintner, including the invitation for Kintner to; “..resign, get out, leave..”, was met with a standing ovation from lawmakers.

        Apparently the overwhelming majority of Republicans in the legislature join me in the ranks of the “Easily Insulted”.

        Also notable, after Speaker Hadley to the floor to dress down Kintner, Revenue Committee Chairman Mike Gloor stepped forward to school Kintner.
        Gloor thoroughly discredited Kintner’s claim that the legislature had failed to fulfill it’s pledge to cut taxes. Gloor stood and read from a long list of tax cuts that had been implemented over the last several years, amounting to hundreds of millions of dollars in tax relief. Gloor concluded his lesson by noting this same list had been read, many times, on the floor of the legislature, in Kintner’s presence.
        Gloor’s inference being quite clear.

    • bynd says:


      You can’t plagiarize something that is all over the internet in one form or another.

      If you Google, 4 monkeys and the banana, you get 474,000 results.(in .06 sec.) Do you ever research anything before you regurgitate here? That is a rhetorical question.

      But, it must be pointed out, by definition, you have plagiarized the three answers on the response page.

      • repenting lawyer says:

        Bynd. Plagiarism is a fraud, you claim mother’s work as your own. I suspect most of Dean Pound’s articles are in the public domain, no copywriter problem, but if I published one under my own name plagiarism.

  2. The Grundle King says:

    I’m trying to figure out how someone who practically lives on ‘copy-paste’ (i.e. Sparkles) would have the gall to try to criticize someone else for copying and pasting.

    • repenting lawyer says:

      Grundle King, cut and paste is alright with attribution, though academic publication impose limitations on the practice. Sparkles seems to obey the attribution rule.

      • bynd says:


        Just to return the helpful favor. Cut and paste is controlled by Street Sweeper who owns the site. Look for that policy under comments way up in the top of the page.

        As to Sparkles, hyperbole written to respond to hyperbole.

  3. Anon says:

    Imagine if a Senator had compared the police to ISIS. My heavens, that would have brought a thunderous condemnation from the Great and Powerful Speaker. Oh wait. You mean that actually happened and almost everyone (including Hadley) wrote it off as “Ernie being Ernie”? No wonder people get frustrated with elected these people who then live to please the editorial pages of the OWH and the LJS.

    • repenting lawyer says:

      Anon, Part of the traditional function of the presiding officer is to enough politeness between member, not to serves a general monitor of speech by members.

  4. bynd says:

    First post is again from Sparkles, proving that the analogy of Pavlov’s dogs is alive and well. So according to the psychologist, it works for dogs but not monkeys?

  5. To Bynd says:

    There is millions of bibles in circulation. If I use a passage and call it my own without citing is that not plagerism? The amount of times it is written is of no consequence.

    • bynd says:

      I guess it is a complement to be held to higher standard. But, read my reply to RL.

      And the answer is no, it is in the public domain. But RL could tell us more.

      • repenting lawyer says:

        Bynd, The translations are usually copywriter, but of course many arena public domain. Use with acknowledgement is freely allowed. Oddly the KJV is copywriter by the English Crown, which has always allowed free copying.

  6. The order of apes, monkeys and people who identify as primates-Mead Nebraska Chapter says:

    We in the heart of America think that Kintner’s remarks are very insensitive and real move back the progress human and monkey like animals have made. Gorillas in the Myst and Instinct movies would not have it been possible if it not for the hard work and dedication of our chapter. In a short “borrowed” article, Mr. Kintner threw away all of that good will.

    Kintner’s comments are dangerous to building strong relationships with primates. Kintner owes us all an apology!

  7. Anonymous says:

    Who cares who Kintner called what. The REAL point is that Kintner is a moron who is not capable of coming up with one original thought of his own. He resorts to stupid (false) analogies and name calling. He’s a disrespectful blowhard who is a disgrace to the office he holds.

  8. zookeeper says:

    Kintner’s monkey cage example aptly explains the Unicameral’s dysfunctional self-reinforcing behaviors but it offers no solution.

    What most states do is install a second cage of monkeys next to the first. It goes like this…

    You place the second cage just out of reach of the first, so they both get a good view of what the other cage is doing. Then quit feeding them. Put a pallet of food for that day some yards away and run a rope through a pulley on the food pallet and give each cage one end of the rope. To eat, both groups must simultaneously pull steadily on the rope, together, to draw the food in between the cages. Only then can both reach it and eat. —However, also give each cage its own ice water hose to punish the other cage when those bad monkeys drop their end of the rope, or greedily yank it so hard it comes loose, or nod off, or pick fleas, or throw poop. Each can punish the other. When the rope slips, none eat that day. They will get hungry and they will become motivated.

    Sure, there will be some icy cold squirt fights and failed attempts to work together. But there are only three possible outcomes: Either they cooperate to everyone’s benefit, or both groups starve to death with the possibility of some frozen wet members dying of exposure. Either way, it’s a win-win for Nebraska voters who get to replace dumb dead monkeys with perhaps smarter ones.

    Opposing political structures don’t just fall out of thin air, you know. There are reasons why most states don’t have one cage, why we don’t have one branch of federal government, and why bicamerals work.

    Contrary-competing structures provide self-adjusting natural mechanisms that tend to cancel out the worst of introspective human behavior and encourage rational outward looking cooperation.

    One cage of monkeys has no way to observe itself, no way to feed itself, or impact things beyond that one cage. Without a second cage, there is no check or mirror of the first’s own behavior to provide pressure and stress against the internal status quo to force behavior to improve and become useful.

    And whenever one member gets so lazy he rolls in his own filth, they all, both cages, can give him a good squirt for sake of minimal community hygiene.

  9. Glen Campbell says:

    Update on electrical blackout in the Capital yesterday. Building blew a fuse on the level of hypocrisy from Jim “gas tax” Smith. When said he was not comfortable advancing cigarette tax even if it meant 90M to reduce property taxes, the room went dark.

  10. glow worm says:

    Kintner’s example describes the origins of all Political Correctness. People behave irrationally without knowing why, thinking they are rational. Doing what’s right, what’s best, when it isn’t.

    I was paid to measure human irrationality in nuclear war planning. (If you can think of something more in need of rational thought than planning a nuclear war, let me know.) Yet even there, the most well educated and senior leaders in the country, who all thought they were being absolutely lucid, most of their decisions were made by rote; monkey see monkey do, it-didn’t-blow-up-before-so-try-it again, that sort of nonsense.

    Rote reaction is a fairly good survival scheme for forest primates and humans are indeed primates. We are apes with a veneer of rationality. Our unthinking rote responses are genetically engrained. Thus the best way to avoid our own suicide by PC is to dump the ego and approach every decision knowing we are monkeys with good language skills. Anything else courts disaster. You can end up a one legged former bicameral full of monkeys proud of how their unicameral hops around.

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